So there are just a few other things that I want to bring up that are not directly related to my recent doctors appointment, but I didn't want to write a super long post this time. So if you just wanted to know how my appointment this week went, feel free to keep on scrolling down, I'm actually totally ok if Zed is the only who reads this post. PS...Zed, you are not permitted to simply scroll down. You have to read your way to the bottom babe.
So if you've ever been pregnant (yes Zed, I know you've never experienced this, so keep your comments to yourself) you know how some days are just "I'm a pregnant mess" kind of days. I had one of those earlier this week. Because I'm on bedrest I think that I actually don't have as many of these days as I normally would. There are fewer triggers to turn me into mess-mode. But this week I just needed a day to be hormonal. I just wanted to cry, for no reason at all, no triggers. Basically my body realized it hadn't cried in a while and I just needed to let it out. Nothing sounded good to eat, but I ate all day because I was starving. Even then, nothing made me just feel satisfied. I just felt like I couldn't win.
My sister had twins, who are now 8, and has become my cry-to. Zed gets emails of all my complaints, but when that doesn't help I call or text my sister how I feel. Because I can guarantee that she understands. No, she wasn't on bed rest at 21 weeks, but she was on bed rest for several weeks before she had her babes. She understands how a twins pregnancy is so much different. Almost everyone I have talked to since finding out that I'm having since has commented about how they always wanted twins, or they wish for it. Not my sister. She's been through it. She has super rough pregnancies that make my normal pregnancies look like a trip to fairy tale land I think. For her to get that "2-for-1" that everyone talks about seemed ideal. No. It's not like that. Twice the baby is twice the sickness, pain, discomfort, worry, and everything else. It has never seemed like a burden to me when I've been pregnant to have to consume extra calories. Heck, bring on this legitimate excuse to eat as much as my squished stomach can handle. Not this time around. Now I can't eat enough. Seriously. I eat until I'm full and can't eat more, but pretty much am still hungry and most likely not consuming enough calories for all 3 of us. My sister was told to eat anything and everything she could handle. Doctors orders to have a daily milkshake. Sounds great, right?
It's hard though. My sister used to tell me she wouldn't wish a twins pregnancy on anyone, because it really is hard. It's hard to not take care of your own kids or house. It's hard to just sit or lay around and zone out. She and I are pretty similar in the fact that we can't hardly focus most days. We both love to read, but I have to be having a pretty good day to be able to mentally focus on a book. So I spend most days with Facebook and Netflix running because I don't have to think so hard (which sounds lame, I'm a smart person, really. I've got a Bachelors degree for crying out loud) I guess I just wanted to put it out there for everyone that is just wishing for twins so they can get 2 babies with one pregnancy, that it's hard. This is nothing like I've experienced before. To all you moms who've done this, the few of you who have had multiple mulitples-pregnancies, I completely commend you. This is hard work, and I just wanted to get that off my chest I guess.
Another thing we've been going through this week is a death. Zed is on the other side of the world, I am 3 hours from home and on bed rest. And in this time Zed's grandpa passed away. He was 85 and has been battling cancer for the last 7 years. He was finally at the end of the battle, and it is best that he has passed on. Zed and I have a pretty solid belief in what LDS members call "The Plan of Salvation". In the most basic terms, I mean Heaven. We know that grandpa is in Heaven and that someday we will be able to join him there. We have that faith and are completely at peace with grandpa's passing at this time. It's been a rough road these last couple of years. The hard part for Zed and I is not being able to physically be there for his services, to support grandma and Zed's parents. We actually were able to live with grandma and grandpa for about 6 months when we were trying to buy a house. It's been 5 years since we lived with them, but only live about 2 miles away now. We are so used to being able to be there for everything grandma and grandpa have going on, that it's kind of a hard pill to swallow to know we can't be a part of memorializing grandpa this weekend.
Both Zed and I are emotionally exhausted at this point. We were so grateful to get such good news about the babies, mostly because it takes a lot of energy to prepare ourselves mentally to accept hard news about the pregnancy. We were both drained and it would've been tough, so we are grateful for happy news.
The only pictures I have a grandpa down here are from Facebook. They are both pictures of the 4 generations of oldest boys, all 4 lived in Kanab together, with the same first and last names, for the last 3+ years. I love that my oldest boy is named after his great grandpa and was able to know his so well.
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