A Warrior at Heart: More News

So I am dealing with the news that our little boys are at extremely high mortality risks this entire pregnancy. As long as they are in my womb they face constant risks. However, their odds while still inside me are so much higher for success for a few more weeks. A few days after getting the diagnosis of my mo-mo babies I woke up in the middle of the night with heavy bleeding again. It was more than I was used to (and at this point I am used to regular bleeding because of placenta previa). I called my mother in-law to drive me the hour and a half to Labor and Delivery where the Drs knew my case a little better than here in town and were more likely to give me the answers I needed. I called my parents who live about an hour and a half from my Dr in the other direction and they met us at the hospital. It was so funny for me when I walked in and told the nurses that I was 14 weeks along with mono-mono twins, they responded with, "Oh! Dr. ---- was just telling us about you today!" I had gotten the same response when I met with the Parinatologist a few days before. He had just come out of a delivery with my OB and I had been their topic of conversation. Mono-mono twins are not unheard of, but apparently our cases are rare enough that a single person can become the talk of the hospital.

While at L&D I had an ultrasound and saw the heartbeats of both babies and was instantly relieved. They are still small enough that I only feel occasional kicks and flips, so it's hard to gage how they are doing. After being at L&D for several hours, having blood work done and having the on call Dr explain to me how much blood (in form of cc) is actual cause for concern I was released. I was exhausted but so relieved to know that really everything was ok with the babies.

I've continued on bed rest, letting my kids go play with friends and neighbors that are gracious enough to take them and take care. My mother in-law has all but moved in with me to take care of the boys so I can focus on constant rest.After having the 90 minute drive to my Dr in the middle of the night my mom convinced me that it might be best to make plans to move down with her, transfer to a Dr there and only be 20 minutes from a major hospital that can handle my case. She lives in a much larger city than the one my Drs are in. I was sold and started asking for referrals from my Dr the next day.

A little over a week after my trip to Labor and Delivery I had more appointments with maternal fetal medicine for more ultrasounds. At 16 weeks (now) I have had at least 9 ultrasounds. While in my appointment I met 2 more parinatologists who both seemed excited to have another mono mono case to work with. It's exciting I guess. I did break the news to them that I was working one getting transferred to a bigger city for more total care for me and easier access to care for the babies, since I lived so far away. The Dr I was with told me that if I wasn't transferring he would probably admit me to the hospital by 20 weeks so they could monitor me better, but he was very glad that I was transferring and even talked highly about the group I would be joining.

While in this appointment the Drs decided that I haven't been dealing with placenta previa as we had previously thought. No, I have it worse than that. I have a subchorionic bleed for starters, which we've seen in both of these higher tech ultrasounds, but I didn't know what it was. I'll be honest, I'm still pretty confused. What I gather is that my bleed is in the uterus, not in the amniotic or uterine sacs that the babies are in. But it is pooling up above my cervix, causing my bleeding with excess activity or pressure. On top of this I have what is called Vasa Previa. This is the scary part. Not the bleed.

When you Google images of Vasa Previa most of them are not in English

So the picture explains pretty well what the scenario is. The umbilical cord work as a covering for all the tiny nerves and veins that transport oxygen and nutrients from the placenta to the baby. With Vasa Previa, the umbilical cord is not attached to the placenta (or sometimes the placenta is split and has vessels connecting the two portions of placenta). The Vasa Previa is when the exposed vessels/veins are over the cervix. With my case it looks like the part of the veins are attached to the membrane right above my cervix where I have my bleed up as well as vessels that traveled to the placenta. Only one of the babies has this with his umbilical cord, the other babies cord is attached normally to the placenta.

As of right now both babies are getting a fair amount of nutrition and appear healthy. Because we caught the Vasa Previa early we have the best chances for success. I will continue on bed rest the rest of my pregnancy with minimum activity. Once I move in with my mom I'll be close to the hospital for any times that I am concerned. We still except me to be admitted to the hospital for 24 hour monitoring sometime after 24 weeks.

At this latest appointment which was 15 1/2 weeks along, when they gave me the news and started to explain Vasa Previa, all I could do was laugh a little. It's completely ridiculous how pretty much every time I see a Dr I get an ultrasound and new, major, high risk factor news about my pregnancy. I mean, my options are to laugh or cry, and crying takes up more energy than I have most days. So laughing it is. Accepting it is harder to do. I cry a little to get through the acceptance process. Everything that I have that is a complication to my pregnancy is hard to accept. There was nothing I could do to prevent any of them, nothing we can do to improve the outcome with any of these things (except plan on delivering babies by 32 weeks, because that's the plan). There is nothing that anyone can do to change these circumstances.

This morning I was able to Skype with my husband. We've been able to have great communication with each other through this deployment so far. We email daily and talk either on Skype or the phone almost daily too. We have had so many people offer sympathies to us when they find out what we are going through with this pregnancy and that Zed and I are separated during this time too. Some think that Zed should do what he can to just come home. But we can't even begin to express to others how many blessings have been put in place for us with this pregnancy because Zed is gone. Today I actually came to the conclusion that God waited for us to have these babies, waited for me to be able to get pregnant until Zed's name was on a list for deployment. We tried for a year and a half to get pregnant. It felt like forever, because we got pregnant with Mr. J and Otis so fast. It didn't make sense to me why it wasn't working this time around. But I truly think that God knew that he had these twins to send down for me, that their prenatal situation was going to be a difficult one, and that Zed and I would actually handle it BEST if HE waited to send them down while Zed was on deployment. We've had an outpouring of help and support from ward members, neighbors and the community because Zed is gone. Since he left, I've not mowed the lawn or taken the garbage to the street once. The people in my amazing community want to help and are fantastic. They help with kids, they bring in meals--quite often when I've been unable to even think about eating, or at least keeping it down. If Zed were still around--and by "around" I mean at work 8-14 hours a day-- do you think there would be as much support? I don't. Zed would have to go to work, then come home and take care of me, the boys, the house, etc. With Zed on deployment our insurance is actually better, so we will be paying less out of pocket with all the extra ultrasounds and doctor appointments that are now vital. And if Zed were here it would be much more difficult to make a decision as to how to get me closer to a hospital.

And really, as a community and for our families, what an incredible opportunity they are able to seize to serve others, and to help others. Zed and I have talked, when one of us is having a really hard time, about what it would be like if he were to come home, though. And putting aside the extra help we get and the insurance we'd have to switch back to with his full time job (we aren't full time Army. The Army is Zed's part time job) we couldn't be happy if he left his deployment. I like to think I'm a patriotic person, I LOVE the USA, always have. I tell you what though, Zed puts me to shame with his patriotism. Being married to a serviceman has upped my level of love for my country more than I ever thought it could be; but can you even imagine how much more Zed loves this nation actually being that serviceman? We've talked about how if Zed came home early by his own choice, with the situation as it stands right now, we would both feel a little empty. I support my husband in his service to this country. The part he takes in defending our freedoms is amazing to me. We've talked about, we've prayed about it, and we truly feel like it is God's will that I sustain this pregnancy the best I can here at home, while Zed sustains me and our country where is is stationed.

I'm making plans to move next week to my parents' house and then have an appointment with my new team of Drs a few days after that. We are crossing our fingers for no more "news" at this point, only progress.

At 15 w 3 days I had a Dr appointment, so I did some makeup and put on more that sweats. It was a picture worthy moment. I was back in pajama pants and Zed's giant shirt about 3 minutes after the picture was taken I think.