He's Baaaaack!!!!

So word has started spreading and I'll confirm: Zed is home! Now, let me begin by saying that we do still have some mixed emotions over this decision, but we are confident that it was the right one to make.

WHY IT WAS HARD

Zed and I have spent years trying to figure out the deployment thing: what's the right timing, what's the right location, what's the right situation?  If we volunteered for a deployment we had a little more control over these options than waiting for the order to just come.  We weighed out our options and decided the time had come.  Zed has wanted to deploy for 8 years, the last two years of which we have been volunteering to deploy to every place on earth, from Africa to Iraq to Afghanistan to Kosovo.  We were always shut down, being told to try again on another one.  So after Zed trying to be deployed for years we had this deployment basically fall into our laps. We both felt confident in accepting the deployment, volunteering to ensure Zed's name was on the list.

Things worked out so well in the time line of things.  This deployment could only have been sent by God.  His hand was extremely evident in nearly every step of the deployment.  The blessings we have received are so many we can’t even count them.  After spending so many hours and years praying and working for a deployment, having it and at at less than 50% completion is super hard, regardless of the reasons for ending it.  We both hate to start things that we can’t finish.  Starting something that others are relying on and then pass the buck, has never been our style.  Zed is leaving behind his team.  The work he had been working on had to be passed off to other team members.  The amount of work for Zed will increase as he is now working on organizing everything at home: with his  state job, the military, and insurance (just for a few examples), all while still having the stress of me being in the hospital and the babies going into the NICU after delivery.  While Zed was away, everything was in place for the remainder of the time he was supposed to be gone.  Everything would be logistically simpler by Zed staying deployed. Income was set, insurance was set, we were playing by the rules and it was finally all figured out.  So this change of plans raised some questions for us.  For example…By ending the deployment, are we missing out on blessings that would have been held in store for us had Zed stayed?   Are the blessings of going home going to outweigh the blessings had Zed stayed on deployment?  Are we lacking faith in God, because Zed came home after having received so much peace and comfort over our situation? 

These are a few of the questions, thoughts, and concerns that we struggled with in ending a deployment early.

WHY IT WAS RIGHT

Zed has been in touch with my doctor via email for several weeks. After I was admitted to the hospital Zed asked for a very realistic perspective of what was going on, what odds could look like, etc. Apparently I am very optimistic about this whole situation and have been slightly less than realistic with Zed and everyone else of what we are really up against. My doctor was very real with Zed that even though things look stable right now, because of the mono-mono diagnosis it is very, VERY possible that in a course of a single day things could become drastically different. The situation is just incredibly unpredictable.

As Zed spoke with his chain of command, his colleagues, and continued communication with my doctor about all of this it became clearer to us that if something were to happen Zed would be 5-7 days away. We decided it was time to pull the stops and have him closer. We are in such an odd predicament because any other person whose wife was sent to the hospital at 24 weeks pregnant would consider it an emergency they needed to be home for. Any other person who learned that their pregnant wife was going to deliver at 32 weeks would consider it an emergency they needed to be home for. Any other person who learned that their premature babies would be in the NICU for 4-10 weeks would consider it an emergency they needed to be home for. Zed and I both were not looking at our circumstances like any other person would. We have been planning on all of these scenarios since we learned that this might be a mono-mono pregnancy.

I don't want anyone to think that Zed doesn't care enough for me or anything crazy like that. I was raised very much with the understanding that sometimes you can't do anything to change to situation, so learn to deal with it in the best way. My sister and I have vented sooo many times how much we hated that idea. Sometimes you want to cry and scream and make a scene. We never do though. These last 6 months have proven to me how ingrained that lesson is in me. I decided that this was my situation, and I could handle it. I think Zed was very much looking at it the same way. I think we both also turned to a lesson we've learned in church: that God will not give us any trials that we can't handle. True that the trials won't be easy, but we can handle them.

When Zed very first mentioned to me that he felt like he needed to come home I was surprised.  But as I took time that day to pray about it I knew he was right and I needed him home. I feel foolish making this comparison, but it fits how I feel about it: I relate our situation to the principle taught in the story of Abraham and Isaac. I only relate this in the absolute most basic of ways though. Abraham was asked to do something VERY hard, and was willing to do so, but in the end God only required him to be willing to make a hard sacrifice. Zed and I were willing, even determined to go through this pregnancy with the hardships required because we made a commitment for Zed to serve on this deployment to our country, our family, and our God.  But, I very much feel like Heavenly Father  accepted our willingness to go the hard way, and let us know that we didn't have to finish it in that manner. We needed to be together through this trial more than we needed to have a separate trial. 

After praying and discussing with each other, Zed sent my doctor the needed information and I asked him to call the Red Cross to have Zed sent home on emergency leave. Zed's superiors were aware of my situation and when they got the Red Cross call they began making arrangements to end Zed's deployment.

It has been wonderful having him here with me. We do still feel like there is unfinished business on the idea of deployments. We do plan on Zed leaving and doing a full deployment within the next few years. We both need to feel complete with that. But as for right now I am grateful to have him home. Mr. J and Otis are thrilled. We surprised everyone with his return-except for my parents, who I gave notice to so Zed would have a ride from the airport.

Zed got to spend the 4th of July with the boys and they LOVED it!

Zed also took Mr J to get his kindergarten shots and he told me just how brave he was

Listening to his own heart beat

I guess now whenever Otis hurts his knees he needs "horse band aids" from Papa Kenny. They obviously bring joy to this crazy little boy!

Being tough with cousins

These sweet cousins are moving to GERMANY this month and my kids will be heart broken. We will have to Skype more often.

We surpassed Zeds mom and the boys on Wednesday last week when they came to visit me, but we didn't tell anyone else, so we got to surprise Renee when she came to visit. He then surprised the rest if his family by going home for the holiday weekend.

I was very patriotic on the 4th! And huge.

Loving on dad

Since coming home things have not been smooth either. We still have trials to work through, but there is a peace if mind for us both to know that in an emergency Zed is, at most, a few hours away. We are struggling to get insurance stuff figured out- don't worry, we will have insurance, it just gets complicated when military insurance is involved. We also were making plans to sell our car to get a bigger one- you know, so all our kids can fit. Well, this weekend the transmission blew on our car and it is only worth as much as it is to fix it. So now there's a little more of a time crunch to pick a car. And it happened when I sent Zed to spend the weekend with the boys at home, so he isn't with me now anyway.  Zed still has to out-process from his deployment, which puts him in Texas for a week where we basically can only pray that nothing happens while he is gone. 

It all comes down to this: nothing is easy. No matter where in the world my husband is, no matter what is going on in our lives or YOUR lives, nothing is easy. We all have trials. We all have struggles. No one gets off easy. Sometimes, MOST times, we can only trade in one trial for the next and hope like crazy that it'll ease and make SOMETHINGS easier. Having Zed in the country, back in the USA, has lightened my load more than I realized I needed it. We are happy.